My Dad used to print out my blog for my Mom because (a) he was always hogging the computer and , (b) she would rather read on paper than the screen. So there is a huge binder in the living room with my blog in it. I picked it up today and started to flip through. This book began January 1, 2007. I only read a few entries but it made me realize something-I used to be funny and upbeat. It seems like, despite whatever trials I was shuffling through, I was optimistic and happy. I guess 2007 wasn't really a bad year. I told a girlfriend at the beginning of this year that 2008 was Her Year, and as it turns out I was right. And I can tell you, it sure as fuck hasn't been the Year of Me.
This year I have lost:
My Dad
Time with my husband (including all of our birthdays)
My sense of humor
My marbles
My patience
My cool
My perspective
I hadn't noticed just how much until today.
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3 comments:
Some are lost, others are just misplaced.
I still hear hints of the upbeat girl I know. Brenda is right - they're not lost...No one can be happy and upbeat all the time. Life is life, and its not always easy. You have always takenlife on headfirst with dignity, grace, and often, humor. If you lose the humor for a while, so what....you'll find your way back. AND, we all love you. period. the end.
In the months after my mother died I felt like I was just muddling through life. I had a series of shitty blows too, and I felt completely despondent, about everything. You won't the same person when you come out on the other side of this; this will forever alter you, and I don't think that anyone who hasn't lost a parent can understand that. It's been six years since my mother died and I'm surprised at the person I have turned out to be so far. For the most part, I feel like I'm a stronger person as a result.
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