Tuesday, February 17, 2009


I have been moving and unpacking for, seemingly, weeks now. The hustle and bustle of the upcoming move over the holidays kept me somewhat distracted and gave me something to focus on. Driving across the country with my husband and three year old without killing either one of them or running for the hills took just about all of my concentration. Plus I got sick. But I found that, once the house was mostly settled and my mind was, once again, free to drift, all of that grief resurfaced.

It waxes and wanes. I find some days it depends upon how tired I am. How well I'm feeling. What I have been unpacking. My son is testing his limtis, and thus, testing me. I have les patience than usual with him. I'm finding it difficult. My husband took extra time off to help get settled but I felt more like he was in my way and that I was constantly refereeing between him and the boy. I played buffer and referee all the way across the country. It's exhausting.

I joined the YMCA here. I've already been working out. That helps somewhat. Not running for three weeks was awful. No stress relief. But since it was cold out, I had an awful cold and couldn't breathe, there weren't really any options.

I'm hoping that I can begin to establish a routine now. We all know how I love a routine. And then maybe I'll be able to get my head together or at least find someone to help me do it. It's time. Living like this is exhausting and I'm burning out. It's time to put this load down.

1 comment:

Anything is Possible said...

I agree. You need to find someone to talk to. I really think you would feel a lot better if you could share these feelings with a professional. They could give you constructive ways to overcome the grief on the bad days. Honestly, I wish I had a professional to talk to. Speed dialing that person would be great too! Especially on the days I want to bludgeon my husband for trying to 'put his thumb' on the boy. What is it with men and toddlers? We go through the same things around here. On long weekends, my husband tries to be the disciplinarian and the two of them just clash. Don't feel bad for wanting your honey out of the house while unpacking. I unpacked the whole house and put everything away. I also got to throw out a LOT of stuff. My new rule: if it hasn't been used in one year, toss it.