Tomorrow is my birthday. I don't know that I've ever felt less like celebrating it. I normally love my birthday. But it doesn't feel like my birthday this year. Today I had a mini celebration with my younger sister, the wife, Mom and the Boy. (Dad always called the girls The Pigeon Sisters, from The Odd Couple. So I'll be referring to the them as Cecily and Gwendolyn, just to make my life easy.) My sister, Cecily, makes great French toast with powdered sugar and that was on our menu today. They wanted to do a little something so my day wouldn't pass unacknowledged. Which was very sweet of them. I think it was prompted by the following exchange:
Gwendolyn: (reading a sticky note stuck to Mom's cabinet) Annie birthday 7/21. Is this so she won't forget?
Me: yes.
Gwendolyn: Oh, I'm so sorry.
So we went to their beach place, ate, swam in the pool and had a very nice day. We've all been getting along. I'm all for calm seas.
Tomorrow, Mom and I and the Boy will have dinner with my aunt and uncle. Same thing-dinner, cake, little gifts. And I appreciate that everyone wants to make it a nice day for me. I just feel too blues for the whole thing.
We leave on Saturday for Vermont. My brother in law already came by to pick up Dad's boat to prep it for the trip. The driveway looks empty and forlorn without it. The distribution of possessions has begun and it freaks me out. It's just weird to see the empty spaces around the house. Mom cleaned off Dad's dresser and it just looks so strange. I didn't expect her to keep everything here as a shrine but I guess I didn't think things would change yet. I don't know why. Vermont is going to be really hard. I think part of the hard part is that, again, I won't have any time alone. I think living away from everyone with a husband who deploys has made me a bit of a loner. I feel like I need some privacy and alone time, especially when I'm stressed. I have a feeling the sum total of my alone time will be on my runs. Which I may just take every day. I know I'm supposed to be drawing support from my family, but I'm somehow finding it hard to do.
2 comments:
Happy Be-lated Birthday! Your birthday falls between two of my childrens. One is now 26 and one is 30.
I also need that 'alone' time when I'm stressed. I have to tell them to please leave me alone. I'll be fine. I'll come out okay on the other side. You will to.
Keep Running!
Hey! I just found your new site. Happy Birthday, late.
I'm just like you. Family is great. Absolutely wonderful in fact. But, I still need alone time. I get antsy and kind of agitated if I don't have my alone time. I also tend to want to go home after about a week and a half. That seems to be my limit. Don't feel bad about it. Alone time is how we rejuvenate ourselves.
My grandmother recently passed. My grandfather immediately wanted all of her things out of the house. I thought it was cold of him to do that. I'm sure he is keeping a couple of her things that mean something to him. I'm sure it's more difficult for him to see all of her things all the time. The empty spaces are really difficult to get used to though. I think I would be different. I'd be the one who would have problems getting rid of anything and would need an intervention. I guess that's not a very healthy way to deal with it either.
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