As I get closer to my departure date, I get more excited and more apprehensive. I just spent some time getting my pictures uploaded to my external hard drive so I can transport them home. I also transferred Dad's pictures. The last he took with his camera of us. I can't believe all that has happened in 6 months. I can't believe he'll be gone 3 months as of this weekend. How did that happen? How is it possible? I miss him so much.
I think it's really going to hit me when I leave all over again. Leaving this house, leaving the state. Leaving things behind.
When my sister picked me up at the airport in March, it was weird. Dad always picked me up. Him and the dog. And sometimes Mom. The dog died last October so this summer would have been our first visit without him around. I suppose my Mom would have gotten to ride along. But it was always Dad waiting for me at the end of the hallway. And always him who dropped me off when I left. The one and only time he ever dropped me off without waiting was the one time my flight was delayed by hours. Back before the advent of cell phone. But this time my sister will drop me off too. A new era.
I'm not really sure what I believe about the afterlife. I don't really believe that nothing happens when we die. I want to believe there is something. I don't know that I buy into the whole choir of angels and pearly gates. But I think that if there is an afterlife, that Dad, and the dog, will be there waiting for me. When I finish that longest of journeys, he will be there at the end of the hallway, waiting for me. And when I see his face, I will know that I am home.
2 comments:
I don't know how I feel about the afterlife either, or an afterlife. The pearly gates and angels theory doesn't fit me, and although I truly do believe I will be reunited with my mother once again, I also really do believe that she is here with me. Not all the time, but a lot of the time, and I feel her in different ways.
Beautiful post.
I just had to let you know that when my dad's brother died from colon cancer he had pretty much been unconscious the last week. My dad was sitting at his bedside when Andy set up hands outstretched and said Mom! He slowly collasped down into the bed and had passed.
So, yes, I am not sure what the afterlife may hold, but I think our family will be there.
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